tonight i rode in the car with cigarette ash between my toes and a light fluttery feeling everytime she began to sing right next to my ear. the 80's music was blasting and i knew only the stagnant words that griped you in suttle moments.
she went to the creek, we swung on the rope and flirted with boys with earrings and broad smiles, especially when they noticed we were to swim in our underwear
not that underwears any different than a bathing suit,
must be the intimacy in such thin printed garments, mine with blue moons and stars.
after we left, and we were cold, and we were smiling thru chattering teeth we went out for chinese and read our fortunes outloud

mine said

"The finest structue can house the worst evil."

and i thought of some blonde haired monster who crawled inside my stomach every once and awhile.
No one ever knew he came by last night and smashed his sweaty head against my ear and crushed my skull.
He doesnt compare to anyone, though hes unlike anyone I've ever known
i hope he knows i'll never love him
sometimes i have my worries


at night i get nostalgic, arund 2:00 am. when no one else seems to be alive in the house and theres no distractions to keep me from slipping back in some unseen current of events.
sometimes i lose grips on reality, i lose grip on myself and i heave in stashes of old love letters, old pictures, old thoughts and lull in a soup of my own misery with a glittering smile upon my face



so no fortune cookie could tell me tonight how things will turn out, just how things are and how they may remain.
one day i'll leave here and i'll tell him about this nice
about how my blue moon underwear was wet till midnight and how i didnt think of him once.
and he'll say he was sorry
but sorrys are an excuse on its own and i dont need his plea

im melancholy, or maybe i just caught myself breathing.